This Is My Happy Place

Our Wedding Invitations

Yesterday the North Carolina Senate also voted to pass the anti-LGBT marriage amendment. That means it will now go on the ballot in May 2012 as part of the primaries. Eight months to fight like hell to prevent this amendment, y'all.

However, our wedding plans are well on their way. The fabulous Ellie posted photos of our invitations on her beautiful blog, with which we're absolutely smitten.  We love the rustic touches that are done in a way that's still totally elegant.

I've always had a thing for pretty paper goods, so I knew that I wanted our invitations to be really well-designed and special, and Ellie has definitely gone above and beyond our expectations. It also makes us really happy to be working with someone based right here in the Triangle. We're currently working with her on the day-of stationery and we can't wait to see what else she has up her (very creative) sleeves!

{Also, a special thanks to Ellie for letting me share these photos here!}

Photos: You Go, I Go, We Go
Design: Hello Tenfold

On Overcoming

Yesterday, the GOP-led North Carolina House of Representatives quickly pushed through a vote on the proposed constitutional amendment against same-sex marriage. Conveniently, they did this the day before today's gigantic rally (which is totes still happening, btw).

As someone who works for an advocacy organization, it never ceases to amaze me how strongly I still react when my rights and the rights of others are being attacked and debated by legislators (and/or voted on by the general public). Yes, some could say that I should develop a thicker skin. That's fine. However, I'm also human. It's not as though I spend every day the General Assembly is in session curled up in a ball crying in the corner. I often get angry at the hatred, ignorance, bigotry, and privilege that exists in our world. A lot of the time, especially after debates, I feel the need to take showers to wash off all of the horrible things that were said.

Obviously, this debate hit closer to home than some others, especially since our wedding (here in NC) is just five weeks away. I love Kate so incredibly much, and the idea that people find this objectionable enough to actively work to make our lives more challenging makes me absolutely sick.

Aside from that, there are a few other things that made me particularly depressed about yesterday's events (and that kept me up way too late writing this post):

• If I was this down about these actions, imagine how young LGBT kids who have just come out or are still in the closet must feel.
• It's pretty sad that we have to fight to keep something we already don't have from becoming even less accessible. Since same-sex marriage is already illegal in North Carolina, it's not as if we're working to gain access to marriage, just to keep this discrimination from becoming even more codified in our state.
• That, if the amendment passes the Senate (which could be as early as today), the fight is just beginning. This proposed amendment would then go on the ballot for a vote by the general public in May 2012. 

Yet amid all this insanity, there is still reason to be hopeful. Equality NC has increased their Facebook fans by over 17,000 (and counting) since last Friday (!) with the help of Facebook co-founder and NC native Chris Hughes. People from all over the world are sending their love and support.

This speech from Rep. Marcus Brandon (as well as many others from other legislative opponents of the amendment), who is currently the only openly-LGBT member of the General Assembly, is also really fantastic.

And here's the main thing I have to keep reminding myself: these anti-gay legislators are running scared. They're part of a dying breed, a rapidly decreasing number of people who support state-sanctioned discrimination. They are using this amendment as a desperate attempt to drum up support from a base that cares less and less about this issue. People in our state have real problems, like unemployment and budget cuts, and they want to see their legislators focus on this instead of spending upwards of $150,000 to reconvene a special hate session.

Regardless of what happens with this amendment, they will go down as being on the wrong side of history. Even though the road to full equality for all LGBT people (which includes marriage equality) may be long and rocky, I firmly believe that we'll make it there. I believe in my heart of hearts that Kate's and my future children will be genuinely shocked to learn that we weren't always treated the same as everyone else because of our sexual orientation.

And in the meantime? We have to keep our chins up and keep on fighting like our rights depend on it. Because they do.

Calling for Equality

As you may or may not know, Kate and I are engaged and getting married next month (!) here in North Carolina. Same-sex marriage isn't legal here, but since we've made this state home for the past six years (and counting), we feel that it's important to get married in the place we consider home, surrounded by our families and friends. 

We're so excited to be joining our lives together here, but the awareness that we can't get legally married here is particularly acute as we're planning our honeymoon to Vermont, where we'll have an entirely separate civil ceremony. Though this will obviously be exciting for us, it will have absolutely zero meaning as far as the state of North Carolina is concerned when we get back. We'll still have to file taxes separately and list ourselves as being single, even though that obviously isn't true.

While New York recently passed a bill legalizing same-sex marriage, in North Carolina we're currently fighting for essentially the reverse of that- to not have our constitution say that same-sex couples like us can't get married (convoluted, no?). Next week the North Carolina General Assembly is reconvening for a "special session" on constitutional amendments. One that's currently on the slate is House Bill 777/Senate Bill 106, the so-called "Defense of Marriage" act, which would create a constitutional amendment against same-sex mariage here in North Carolina. We're currently the only state in the south that doesn't have one, but, like I said earlier, same-sex couples already can't get married here.

What this amendment will do is to write hatred and bigotry into our state's founding document. It would also bar civil unions and prohibit both public and private entities from offering domestic partnership benefits like health insurance. It will even nullify the largely ceremonial domestic partnership Kate and I received through our little town.  A ridiculous slap in the face, if you ask me. For a full rundown of what this bill would (and wouldn't) do, click here.

With only a week until the NCGA meets back in Raleigh, there are lots of ways you can get involved. As you'll see above, Equality North Carolina (our state's truly awesome LGBT rights organization where- in the interest of full disclosure- I've had the privilege of interning and volunteering) is hosting a rally in Raleigh next week against the amendment. If you're local, please join! It's so important to show legislators that this isn't something that's wanted by the people of our state. ENC is also hosting a series of vigils across the state the night before, so be sure to check those out, too. And p.s.: did you see that Chely Wright is going to be at the rally and the vigil in Raleigh? As if you needed further incentive to attend!

They're also holding phone banks across the state every day this week from 12-9pm to encourage folks to contact their legislators to oppose this bill. Check out their website for more info or to sign up!

Don't live in NC? You can still make a contribution to Equality NC and/or follow them on Facebook and Twitter to help spread the word about what's going on here. You can find out the status of same-sex partnership recognition in your state and join the fight there to make it more inclusive, if applicable.

The take-away message here? Get informed and get involved no matter where you are so that this type of discrimination stops impacting a whole lot of folks, including Kate and yours truly.

What I Read This Week

Y'all, to be honest, this week kicked my behind, and I'm anticipating this coming week to go similarly. It's totally fine, but makes finding time to put posts together a bit of a challenge.

So, I apologize for my previous and future lack of posting. Perhaps this will slow down after the legislative session ends? (Optimism!)

Anyway, here's a sampling of things I read this week. What about you? Any additions? 

Gender-Related:
Study: 48 women raped every hour in Congo by Jenee Desmond-Harris -The gut-wrenching title says it all

Peace Corps volunteer speaks out about lacking sexual assault response by Casey Frazee

Kansas lawmakers end work with anti-abortion push by John Hanna

Missouri lawmakers pass further restrictions on late-term abortions with new penalties for doctors by David A. Lieb

Daniels signs controversial Planned Parenthood bill into law via CNN Political Unit

South Dakota banning abortion without banning abortion? by Amanda Marcotte

House moves ahead with legal limits on abortion by Bridget Whelan -North Carolina's making headlines for all the wrong reasons

Anti-abortion rights group buying Google ad space to misdirect women who search 'abortion' by Ashley Lopez

Did Florida legislature accidentally ban sex in Florida? via Adam C. Smith -Bad news for all you future spring breakers...

Schoolgirls can find protection in Title IX by Joanne N. Smith

Mother loses custody battle for having breast cancer by Matthew Burgoyne -Another gem out of North Carolina

Is President Obama pro-choice? by Miriam Perez -The answer? Right now, it might not matter all that much

Mom defends decision to give 8-year-old daughter, Britney Campbell, Botox by Hilary Moss

A call for change by Sara Quin -Tegan & Sara's Sara takes a stand on misogyny and homophobia in the music industry. Couldn't be more proud to be a fan.

Dear Planned Parenthood: Thank you for my law degree, my planned family and my health by Lisa Kaas Boyle

LGBT Links:
Future of Uganda gay bill unclear after vote dropped via The Associated Press

Civil unions become law in Delaware via the CNN Wire Staff

Embattled civil unions bill faces two fronts by Jim Baron

Same sex marriage: Poll finds majority of New Yorkers want it legal by David Badash

Tammy Baldwin may run for retiring Sen. Herb Kohl's seat by Pam Spaulding -She would be the first openly lesbian U.S. Senator

Anti-gay groups plan increased spending, activity through 2012 by Andy Birkey

Miscellany:
Atheist challenges C-Street Congressman in Democratic primary by Staks Rosch -And finally, some potentially good news out of our fair state

Is the end nigh? We'll know soon enough by Barbara Bradley Hagerty

"There are some people who don't wait." Robert Krulwich on the future of journalism via Ed Young -Awesome advice for anyone in any profession, really.

1 in 8 people that have ever lived are alive today by Stephen Messenger

What I Read This Week

So much news this week, so little time to keep up. Here are some of the high (and low, as it were) lights.

First, a great video on who the women are who obtain abortions in the US:



Gender-related
Lara Logan Speaks Out About Sexual Assault in Tahrir Square by Chloe Angyal

North Carolina Considers 24 Hour Wait and Ultrasounds Before Abortions by Robin Marty

House Blocks Government Funding of Abortion by Naftali Bendavid

Texas Cheerleader Who Was Assaulted Never Had a Chance by Scott Rose

Pregnancy Centers Hesitate on New Abortion Law by David Montgomery

LGBT Links
When the Politics of Hate Come Home: A Lesbian Couple Grapples with How Politics Affects Their Critically-Ill Child by Jaime Jenett

A Christian Case for Same-Sex Marriage by Jack McKinney

Race
McHenry: GOP Will Draw Districts with Race in Mind by Michael Biesecker

Alabama to Undocumented Kids: No Prom for You! by Tim Murphy 

Miscellany
News Desk: Notes on the Death of Osama bin Laden by Steve Coll

The Ability to Kill Osama bin Laden Does Not Make America Great by Kai Wright

"Okay, He's Dead. Can We Go Home?" by Adam Weinstein

What I Read This Week

Apologies for going MIA there for a hot minute. Three work events in a week's time made finding time to put posts together a bit of a challenge. At least I was able to keep up with (most) current events, mostly thanks to trusty Twitter.

Not included here, but all over the news elsewhere, were stories of the tornadoes that tore through a lot of the deep South, particularly Alabama. I'm sending lots of thoughts and prayers in their direction and am feeling particularly thankful that my younger cousin, a freshman first-year at 'Bama, is safe, sound, and on her way home.

Anyway, here's just a sampling of what I came across this past week.

Gender-Related:
CBS Reporter Recounts a 'Merciless' Assault by Brian Stetler

Poor Jane's Almanac by Jill Lepore -Interesting read contrasting the lives of Benjamin Franklin and his younger sister, Jane.

The Culture of Greener Grass by Amber Leab (via Feministing) -On why saying things like, 'Oh! You're so skinny. I'm jealous,' aren't really appropriate.

Why the Fat Guy Should Lose His Privilege by David Sirota

Will.I.Am Gives the Wrong Message on Safe Sex by Sophia, Abortion Gang

Federal Court Condemns Shackling, Vindicates Women by Rachel Roth

More Pregnant Women Dying in CA, Says Study by Jen Phillips -A particularly frightening stat from this study? In 2004, 82% of women in CAhad insurance that covered maternity services. Today, only 22% do.

The New Anti-Abortion Math by Gail Collins

Illinois Legislature Takes Steps to Prevent a Rapist From Being Your Gyno by Alex DiBranco

Common Cause, Different Perspective: The Generational Divide of the Pro-Choice Movement by Eleanor Hinton Hoytt

Caitlin Flanagan Calls For the End of Fraternities by Chloe Angyal

The FBI's Definition of Rape: Older Than a Lot of Things by Annie Shields -It hasn't changed in 82 years. For real.

Newsflash: Indiana Votes to Defund Planned Parenthood by Dahlia Grossman-Heinze -In related news, the North Carolina House Appropriations Committee approved a budget that included a special provision doing the same thing. It's moving on to the full House for a vote, likely next week.

Would You Like a Keepsake Photo with That Abortion? by Tim Murphy

Long Island Murders: Sex Trafficking Ring Involved? by Caroline Heldman

No Injunction Issued for Threatened Abortion Doc by Barbara Leonard

Delusional Congressman Says Planned Parenthood is 'Neutering' Men by Irin Carmon 

LGBTQ:
Vigil Held Monday for Md. Trans Beating Victim by Amanda Hess

Robertson: Left Backs Abortion Rights to Make Straight Women More Like Lesbians by Brian, Right Wing Watch -This and the next one could really go in either category (hooray, intersectionality!), but I've stuck them here

I Support Abortion Rights... Because I'm a Lesbian! by Michele Kort

Kate Middleton: Donate to Anti-Bullying Org in Lieu of Wedding Gifts by Hannah Clay Wareham

PR's 'Gay Guru' Helps Celebrities Come Out by Alex Cohen

New York Grants Inmates Same-Sex Conjugal Visits by Clarknt67, Pam's House Blend

Race:
Sally Kern: Minorities Earn Less Because They Don't Work As Hard via The Huffington Post -Anyone else find it terrifying that this woman used to be a teacher?

Picking at the Scab by Paul Waldman -Alternate title? 'Surprise! Rush Limbaugh is Pretty Racist'

Miscellany:
CAM Raleigh Opens This Weekend in the Warehouse District by Jedidiah, New Raleigh -I can't wait to check this out!

After 40 Semesters, a Part-Time Student Sees the Finish Line by Eric Hoover

Have a fantastic weekend, y'all! I'm looking forward to fantastic weather, dressing up for a royal wedding viewing party, and catching up on lots and lots of sleep.

What I Read This Week

Source: neffsays.tumblr.com via Hillary on Pinterest

So much news this week and, unsurprisingly, most of it is sad, depressing, and/or enraging. Feel free to read the last article first (on why people don't believe in science/facts) to gain more insight on the thought process behind some of these stories... 

Gender-Related Things:
Roe v. Wade: Is It Still the Law of the Land? by Dahlia Lithwick

Getting Away with Murder on Long Island: The Press, The Police, and the Killer(s) Who Dump Bodies Along Ocean Parkway by Nancy Goldstein

Who Is the "Mystery Group" Who Wants a Direct and Immediate Roe v. Wade Challenge? by Robin Marty

Behind the Backlash: What's So Scary About Deconstructing the Gender Binary? by Jos Truitt

Jocelyn Elders Puts Congress on Blast by Cynthia Gordy

After 67 Years, Ala. Lawmakers Apologize to Woman by Associated Press

Nervous Nellies: Girls Don't Start Out More Anxious Than Boys, But They Usually End Up That Way by Taylor Clark (via Feministe)

Vibrators Carry the Conversation by Hilary Howard

Female Writers in Late Night by the Numbers by Statette

LGBT Links:
The Social Environment and Suicide Attempts in Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth by Mark L. Hatzenbuehler, Ph.D. (via Equality NC)

Gay Suicide in the U.S., By Region by Jeffrey Fishberger, M.D.

Gay Students Fight for Acceptance at Religious Colleges by Margaret Hartmann

Meet the Same-Sex Parents Next Door by Patty Onderko

Chart of the Day: Gay Marriage Goes Mainstream by Kevin Drum

Roommate Indicted in Rutgers Student Suicide by Aman Ali

Remember the Asshat Legislator Who Tried to Repeal LGBT Rights in Montana? by Joe Jervis, Joe. My. God

Miscellany:
Poor Who Lost All in NC Tornadoes Face Hard Future by Brock Vergakis and Mitch Weiss

Only Little People Pay Taxes by Dave Gilson

Dreaming in the U.S.A. by Kristina Rizga

Legislating Because They Can? by Laura Leslie

Swarming Bees Kill Elderly Texas Couple by Brad Lendon (which led to me spending far too much time reading about Africanized honey bees)

The Science of Why We Don't Believe In Science by Chris Mooney

What about y'all? Any favorite stories, posts, etc. from this week?

Kate and I are off at a music festival today (ah, the beauty of scheduled posts!), which is pretty much my idea of what heaven might be like (well, minus the weird, long jam-band songs, that is), and then I plan on spending the rest of the weekend relaxing, exploring thrift stores, and hitting up church for Easter. Since we're UU, I'm continually fascinated to see how our minister addresses Christian holidays, since only some of our congregation identifies as such.

Anyway, I hope that you have a most stellar weekend!

On Hate Crimes, Real or Otherwise

So, last week, this happened. People (myself included) were shocked, saddened, outraged. People rallied support around this student and events, both in real life and on Facebook, were planned.

And then, almost as quickly as we heard that a hate crime had occurred in our community we found out that, well, it hadn't.

It feels strange to say this, but to be honest, I wasn't really upset. Of course I understand why folks might feel duped, but personally I just feel concern for this student. I hope that he's able to get the help that he needs to be in a better place. I also still feel, very strongly, that dialogue about hate crimes and how they are addressed on college campuses is much-needed and should still occur. The fact that this particular event wasn't a hate crime doesn't change any of that.

Having worked for an organization that focused on sexual violence prevention and education, I am a big proponent of believing people when they come forward about having experienced violence or abuse of any kind. It's common to hear people who work in this field use the phrase "you will be believed," and that is completely true. Because really, when someone experiences something terrible and traumatic, that's really what they need to hear.

Yes, this may mean that in situations like this week's that it turns out that I believed something that ended up not being true. But, a majority of the time, it means that people who have experienced something horrible will end up getting the help and resources that they need. While I'm not trying to say that sexual violence is necessarily the same thing as a hate crime (although sexual violence can certainly be part of a hate crime), I do think that both of these experiences may involve a lot of guilt, shame, and fear that could influence someone not wanting to report what happened to them.

Sure, there will probably be some people who will point to this incident and say "oh, this person lied about a hate crime, so therefore they don't happen or I don't need to believe it when I hear about another one." Now, I'm not going to make a blanket statement here and could also be wrong in saying this, but I can't help but think that the people that would say something like this are likely insensitive idiots who would have thought this anyway. People will believe what they want, regardless of any facts or evidence to the contrary.

I applaud Quinn's friends who believed his story and encouraged him to seek help. I hope that UNC-Chapel Hill (as well as lots of other colleges and universities) continue to have conversations about how to respond to hate crimes and other bias incidents on their campuses. Most of all, though, I hope that Quinn and other people in similar situations get whatever help they need and are treated with compassion along the way.

What I Read This Week

It's been a whirlwind week, but I still managed to squeeze in a few articles here and there.

Here are some of the highlights!

Gender-Related Things:

The Best of Anthony Weiner Being Awesome by Dorsey Shaw (Oh, how I wish this site would let me embed the video but trust me, it's awesome)

Planned Parenthood Fight Comes to N.C. by Michael Biesecker

New Line of Tween Panties Promotes... Abstinence? by Annie Shields

Jailing Women Who Try to Commit Suicide by Jill Filipovic

A World Without Abortion by Kaitlyn Huegel

Half the Sky: How China's Gender Imbalance Threatens Its Future by Mara Hvistendahl

Now the GOP Is Going After Sexual Health and the Pill-- And the Battle is Just Beginning by Amanda Marcotte

Without This Ring, I Thee Wed: Reactions to Prince William's Ringless Wedding by Eric V. Copage

The Evangelical Sex Disconnect by Sarah Posner


LGBT Links:

Brazil Stadium Turns Pink After "F*ggot" Chants Shock Community by Matt Algren

A Gay Former N.B.A. Player Responds to Kobe Bryant by John Amaechi

There's also a local story that got national attention, which I followed more than I probably should have, but I'm saving that for a post of its own, which will be up when I get my act together and have the time to finish it.

And on that note, I hope you have a most blissful, relaxing weekend!

What I Read This Week

Over the course of the week I come across so many great, interesting, and random articles, mainly via Twitter, Facebook, and the blogs I frequent. I decided this could be a good place to simultaneously archive and share some of my favorites.

With all the talk about the government shutting down due to failure to pass a budget, I couldn't help but share this clip from The West Wing, which I've seen floating around the interwebs over the past few days.



Goodness I miss this show.

Anyway, without further adieu I present to you What I Read This Week.

Gay Things
Married Gay Couples "Refuse to Lie" on Tax Forms by Tara Siegel Bernard

We've Come a Long Way, Baby? Same-Sex Marriage and the Responsibilitization of Sex by Ann Pellegrini

Searching for Harm: Same-Sex Marriage and the Well-Being of Children by Courtney G. Joslin

Traditional marriage is dead. Let's celebrate. by Jill Filipovic

Lady-Related Things
IOC to Allow Women's Ski Jumping in 2014 Olympics by The Associated Press

Confronting Life by Aaron Guoveia

How the "U-Word" Exposes the Anti-Choice Movement by Amanda Marcotte

Women Sue Virginia Tech for Pay Inequality by Anna North

Terrorizing Abortion Providers: The "Other Abortion War" Quietly Continues by Carole Joffe

Averting a Government Shutdown? GOP Says Over Your Dead Body. And They Mean It. by Jodi Jacobson

Miscellany
The Sleepless Elite by Melinda Beck

Have a lovely weekend! I'll be keeping my eyes glued to news of the impending government shutdown and scheming ways to become part of the 'sleepless elite.' Oh, and getting our engagement photos taken!